A Child's Point Of View

When people see me with my children they automatically assume that we have another on the way.  They tend to make comments like "oh you're a very busy lady" or "wow, and another one on the way"  First of all it always amazes me that people feel that they can comment on your reproductive business, but I'm not ranting about that right now.  I have chosen to inform people about my surrogacy.  So, when they do make those comments I inform them that this pregnancy is not for us but for someone else.  That changes their perception of me very quickly....and I always get positive responses from them.  It doesn't matter what strangers think about me doing this, but there are people in my life who I care a great deal about how the surrogacy affects them....my children.

When we started out on this journey my husband and I decided that the children would be involved all along and we would be honest in answering any questions they had about the babies and the process.  My children met the IP's the same time Mike and I did, they've seen them each time we have and we talk about them in our home like they are a part of our family....because they are.  From the day of the transfer even my two youngest who are 2 1/2 knew that a doctor had put two eggs in my belly and we were praying that the eggs would grow into babies for my IP's.  We talk about the babies whenever the children show interest in the subject and now they are trying to feel them move through my belly.  We often ask the youngest ones questions about the babies to help them understand.  This is a conversation that I frequently have with my daughter Teagan.  It warms my heart every time we talk about it.

Me:  Teagan, what's in Mama's belly?
T: Babies
Me: How many babies?
T:  Two babies.
Me:  Who's babies are they?
T:  Lorlie's (that's how she says IM's name)
Me:  Where are the babies going to live?
T:  Lorlie's house.

3am Parties

We're half way there...at least!  Today is 20 weeks of pregnancy with these little monkeys, and monkeys are exactly what they are.  Last night we had a party in my uterus...at 3am.  Apparently there was a dance party and no one notified the landlord ahead of time.  I was woken to some kicks that I can now feel on the outside.  This is the first pregnancy I've had where the babes didn't sleep when I was sleeping.  Warning to my IP's.....you may have some nighthawks on your hands!

A Post From a Reader

I've always said that I would respond to readers posts.  For some reason people are having a hard time posting things here lately.  I new friend sent me this in email today and I wanted to share.  This is the reason that I've written this blog...for people to hear this story and be touched by it.  I love the support we've always gotten.  So thank you Johanne for this lovely letter of support to my IP's and I...it means so much to us.

Lisa I have to say you are such an amazing, strong, beautiful heart warming woman. I just sat here yesterday reading each and every post right from the beginning, since we just met recently. The tears were flowing and my face was smiling. I want to say congratulations to you and the IM & IF and their family. How blessed you all are. We do not know each other but am hoping we will get to know each other better. I am going to continue reading each and every step of the way. You are a true gift from God, an angle sent to do good :) for these wonderful parents to be and to the family & friends you have made over the last few years and the years to come. I was looking forward to see if the babies are boys or girls, today I read one of each. The best of both worlds. How amazing this is. It is exciting not only for you and the parents but everyone who is following your wonderful journey. Hugs and love, thoughts and prayers & hopes that you continue to feel good.
Johanne

The Results Are In!!!

My IP's and I went for my monthly appointment that included an ultrasound this time.  There was so much excitement in the air....and so much guessing too.  Let me remind you of what my guess was...boy/girl.  So now let me tell you....I love being right!!!!   The tech confirmed what I've always thought and my IP's couldn't be happier.  Best of both worlds in situations like this.  We are all truly blessed in this journey.  The tech also did a full scan of each baby and they are both healthy and we are right on track at 18w 4d.  Let me tell you, they are big movers. Little man kicked me so hard during the scan that it hurt.  I'll remind him of that when he's older!

In the picture above the top one is baby boy and bottom is baby girl.

IP's are Coming to Town!

As I write my IP's are arriving in Ottawa. Tomorrow is a big day...Ultrasound! If all goes well tomorrow we'll find out the gender of the babies. Remember my guess is boy/girl, but I wouldn't be surprised to hear boy/boy.

So tonight we have a sitter coming and it will be a dinner for adults at a nice restaurant near our place. The number of those in my IP's future is dwindling so they better make the most of it now.

So readers, place your guesses for tomorrow and I will update after the u/s. Let's see who is right!

Feed Me!

The hunger and appetite that has come with this pregnancy is definitely something to write about. On a good day I like to eat and have a very healthy appetite. My current ability and need to eat puts all other hunger to shame. I've had dinner with friends and family and can feel their eyes upon me as they watch me clear my plate. My husband can tell by the size of the meal how long it will be until I'm hungry again. I've even had my mom say to me "well, there's a snack in your future because that dinner isn't going to last long" She was right. There are many snacks in my future.

I try to be conscious of what I eat. I really do strive for a healthy balance but there is a force greater than me guiding some of these choices. I have consumed what I call 'dirty' foods; McDonald's, KD, Pogos etc. and I'm ashamed to admit it. lol I'd like to blame these foods on a boy growing in me but we haven't had the ultrasound yet to confirm that.

Well, now that I've gone on so much about food, I am hungry. I'm off to hunt down some fruit! (that must be the girl!)

16 Weeks!

Well here we are at 16 weeks today! As you can see it definitely looks like there are babies in there.

Some of the past four months have been rough; morning sickness that requires medication, injections in my butt for twelve weeks, tiredness, 14 pounds of weight gain, etc, etc. There are some things that I am welcoming with this pregnancy; my new long beautiful finger nails (I'm normally a biter), good skin, thicker hair and my new bigger boobs. I have to say the enlarged chest is my favourite....they are wonderful....too bad they're going to be short lived!!

What It's Really Like.

When I told people I was going to be a surrogate the first question was always "Aren't you afraid you'll become too attached? How will you give the baby(ies) to their parents?" My answer was always; Not my baby to keep and I will be fine giving the baby to those waiting arms.

I thought it might be good to revisit those questions now. I'm now 15 weeks and feeling these little people moving around in me. How do I feel (emotionally) about it now? Are my answers still the same to those first questions? Yes, I feel the same way now as I did before. When I went in with the mindset of these not being my children to keep then I was able to separate that attachment. I'm not the one planning a nursery or picking out names. There are two very excited people out there that are doing that instead. I am included in many discussions of cribs, car seat and stroller options, but hey, I'm the baby guru, people come to me for my expertise in this matter. This does not make me long to want or keep these babies. Actually it increases my desire to see my IP's as parents.

I think that these questions are very valid to look at when someone is thinking of being a surrogate. Can you let go? Especially in my situation where we plan to stay very close to my IP's once the babies are born. I plan to revisit this topic again as the pregnancy goes on and see where my emotions are at throughout.

I Know You're in There!

Over the past couple of days I have started feeling the babies move. At first it was baby A two days ago. I wasn't sure at first what I was feeling since this week I will be 15 weeks and I haven't felt a baby move that early. Yesterday baby B was on the move. I knew for sure that it was babies since the feeling was now on both sides of my ever expanding belly. Nothing feels more amazing than that of a growing baby in your belly moving around.

Goodbye Injections

We've hit 12 weeks in the pregnancy. I can't tell you how happy I am. Actually my husband is as equally happy. Today marks the end of the Progesterone injections. I think in total there were 94 needle pokes in my butt. Now finally it can heal from all the oil build ups in the muscles. No more golf ball butt for me! I can also stop taking the Estrace today too. That's 6 less pills for me. I have had to start taking the Diclectin. The morning sickness was so bad that I just couldn't function in my normal everyday duties. In my own pregnancies I have never had to take anything for morning sickness but my surro babes are making sure this is a a completely new experience for me. Oh well, it's all completely worth it in the end!

A Peek At The Babes

This week we headed to Toronto for my last appt at the clinic that did the IVF. After this I will be going to my OB back home.

Although it was a quick overnight visit in the big city, it was a nice visit. The night before the appt we met my IP's and their families at a restaurant for dinner. This was the first time that some of them were able to meet my husband and two of my older children. I love the feeling of being accepted as part of the family when I am with them. Now M could see first hand why I always enjoyed these visits with everyone.

Our appt the next morning was nice and early at the clinic. This time I was put in my place by the tech right away. I laid down on the bed and stayed put. She had the screen turned far away from me so only IP's could see everything. I could tell by the looks on their faces that everything was just fine. When I finally got a chance to look there there were....both beautiful babies....in 3D!!!

I honestly feel that they are boy/girls twins but it was too soon to tell...or is it? One of the pictures may be showing us something but the tech wouldn't confirm anything. In the pictures posted Baby A is on the left and Baby B is on the right. At our next ultrasound around 20 weeks we should find out the gender of each baby....as long as they co-operate.

Update on a "Couple" of Things

I have to admit I'm lacking in my blog posts.....about a month behind to be exact. At the end of June I went back to the clinic in Toronto to have our first ultrasound. I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and already feeling some of pregnancies lovely effects on my body.

When I arrived the night before the appt in Toronto I was really feeling the love of my IP's and their families. Our plan was to go out for dinner....I thought it was just going to be the three of us but both sets of grandparents were there at the restaurant to surprise me. And since my flight three hours late coming in, I was really surprised that they were still there waiting for me. Everyone was just so excited. You could see how finally they're dreams were coming true and they were are so thrilled to be going through this with my IP's. I felt like a member of the family. They have truly embraced me and I love them all.

Ok, so Saturday morning comes and we head to the clinic for the ultrasound. As we are sitting there we are looking aroud at all the pictures of babies that the clinic helped to create. I had told many people since the transfer that I thought both embryos had taken. I started feeling pregnancy signs right away, my belly really "poppd" fast and besides, I have a top shelf uterus as my friend Liz likes to tell me. I had this in the bag. So for fun we counted how many pictures of twins were born with the help of the clinic. Just from the pictures we could see the number got upwards of close to 40 sets of twins and 1 set of triplets that I noticed. I mentioned to my IP's that my mind was ready for us to be told that they would be expecting twins, but if by some chance an embryo had split and there were more than two it may take me a minute...and a couple of tears to let that information sink in. After all, I was a twin pro, not a triplet or more pro!

Once we had sat in the waiting room long enough and the nerves were starting to take effect we were called in to the ultrasound room.

I'm going to fast forward here and get to the point....the tech started the ultrasound and right away we saw THEM! TWO BABIES! I was right, both embryos had taken and up there on the screen were two little peanut shaped babes with perfectly strong heartbeats.
That's when the tears started and for some they didn't stop for days. The tech continued to take measurements and pictures, give me some trouble for not laying still and even after that I didn't listen. How could I, we were all just too excited.
After we left the office the calls to family, texts to friends and updates on Facebook started. The outpouring of support, like always, was amazing. This was it....what everyone had waited and wished for for so many years was finally coming true....times two!

I can't tell you how happy I am for my IP's. I was thrilled for them when we got the positive pregnancy results but to have two babies at the same time is such a blessing. I also welcome them to the exclusive twin parent club. Let me tell you, I love being a twin mom myself but there are days when I wonder if I will survive it....but don't tell my IP's that....let them figure it out for themselves!

In Their Own Words.

My IM emailed me today and has asked for me to share this with our readers....their side of things.  The shock has started to wear off and now they can form full sentences again to express all the emotions they have been feeling the past week.  It's a great feeling to see the excitement that this has brought to them.  I love being a part of it.  So, without further ado here it is.....

Well it's been a week and it has started to feel real!!! The shock is beginning to sink in!!! And really I think the IF and I have really been walking around in a cloud! We dreamed of this day but never really imagined it ever happening! We were determined to never give up but we had many days that we just thought it wasn't meant to be! So on June 4th when I looked at my email and saw the pregnancy test from Lisa and it clearly looked like two red lines I just couldn't register what it really meant! We weren't suppose to get the results for another 5-6 days.  I knew Lisa was going to do a home pregnancy test but i had to convince myself that I was going to have to wait! As I looked at the email I knew what it meant but trying to convince IF was a different story. IF was laying in bed reading his emails and I said I just got an email from Lisa ......no response .... So I said I JUST GOT AN EMAIL FROM LISA!!!!! That got his attention!! He looked a bit scared as to what I had to say....... I showed him the pregnancy test..it's positive!!!! He said shut the f...k Up!!!..,we were both smiling bigger than we ever have!!! We couldn't believe it was happening!!! We called Lisa right away and she's right we had so many questions... Well IF really had more than me! lol  IF didn't believe what he was seeing!....he didn't think a home pregnancy test was accurate!.. deep down I knew it was right!...he wanted Lisa to take another one just to make sure....and then he still wasn't convinced he wanted to wait for the blood test...that still didn't convince him..he wanted to wait for the second blood test ...

OK now does he believes it...WELL....he does but I think he needs the 3 month mark to go by to really believe it!!!..especially since everyone he's told has said well you should really wait for 3 months anything can happen!!..I mean really people can we not be positive about it!!!!!

So if we didn't seem excited on the outside inside we are bursting at the seams..everything seems sunnier..we can't wipe the smiles off our face's!..We immediately called our families and heard tears of joy!...everyone is so excited for us and were so thankful for their prayers and supporting us.

Our biggest thanks though are for Lisa!!!! How can we ever thank her enough....how do you thank someone who has given up the last 2 years of her life to help make this happen for us and her husband Mike!..there's not too many men that would want there wife to carry another Mans baby..Thank you we love you too!!!!.....Lisa you are a very special person and you will be forever in our hearts...We will continue out friendship until the day we die!..xoxo...

When can we go to Disney?.....LOL....

PS..I'm already driving the IF crazy...I want to start decorating the babies room!...but I guess I should wait to see if it's a boy or girl?...or if there's more than one!!!! LOL

Second hCG level results

Yesterday I had my second blood test for hCG levels. The results came back today and they were 725. Fridays were 151, so we more than doubled every 48 hours like expected. The nurse that called today wouldn't confirm or deny twins. They need to see the ultrasound to say for sure. That's understandable. My money is on multiples. Today was my first official day of morning sickness. I'm not complaining, I've actually always welcomed morning sickness in my pregnancies. It's just a sign that things are moving along well.

So now we have a two week wait until the ultrasound. It's scheduled for June 25th. We're doing it in TO so I'll fly out there the day before and spend a nice evening with my IP's before the big reveal.

hCG Level Results

Yesterday I did my first set of blood work. We received a call from the clinic today and my levels are at 151, which is very good to not even be 14 days since transfer. On Monday I go back for the second set of bloods to see what the increase between the two is.

Let it Settle In.

So, it's been 24 hours since I broke the news to my IP's. I think the shock is still there but the truth of it all is beginning to sink in.

I received a phone call at 8:15am and a very stunned sounding IM was on the other end. I answered the call with a big "Good Morning!" and received a "Hi" back. "You're going to have a baby!" was my next delighted statement. "Ya" was the less then resounding response. So of course my first thought was she didn't see the picture, but of course she had. This was the sound of a woman who has been wishing for a baby for almost eight years and couldn't believe that wishes come true. Our conversation consisted of explanations about home pregnancy tests, giddy laughter and me saying "yes you really are pregnant!" Even IF got on the phone for an explanation of hCG (human chorionic gonadotrpin) and how they turn a HPT positive. I had to giggle. They were so cute and I was so happy for them. This is the happiest moment we've had to date on this journey.

I'd love to hear my IP's recount of that phone call.

One of the things they were worried about was the one pink line being lighter than the other. Now I know and the HPT instructions back me up....any shade of pink on the second line means baby in the oven. But when you're in shock that you are about to have a baby you second guess these facts. Today my IP's asked me to do a second test just to make them feel more secure. With pleasure I took a second test and that line popped up nice and bright pink. I took another picture of it and sent it off to IM. It worked....they are much more relaxed now. I even received an email from IF. It stated "I need to keep my teeth clean now with this permanent smile!!"

How awesome is that!?!

Do You See What I See?

It's 2am and my son is calling my name. He's sick and running a high fever. As I'm on all fours cleaning up the vomit I think "I should take a pregnancy test". It's been 9 days since the embryo transfer and by now hormones levels should be high enough to show a positive result. I should know this....I've been impatient. Over the past few days I've taken a 'couple' tests but all were negative....it was just too soon.

So, at 2am on a Wednesday morning I peed on a stick and sat and watched...and waited...and saw two pink lines appear....I'M PREGNANT!!!

The flood of emotions overtook me. I sat and cried tears of joy for my IP's. This is it! They're having a baby!

The excited person in me wants to call them and wake them up. If ever it's okay to wake someone at 2am to tell them something, this would the time! The rational person in me decided that they should enjoy all the sleep they are going to get for the next few months. Instead I took a picture of the two pretty pink lines and sent my IM an email with with the subject line "Do You See What I See?" I'm expecting a phone call by 9am.

Through all the obstacles to get to this point we've always said that things happen for a reason. I firmly stand behind that belief today. We knew 9 days ago in the Dr's office that this time was different. I knew with each twinge I've felt over the past week and a half what I was feeling. I knew that we'd see those two lines. And I know that my IP's are going to make two amazing parents. They've been through so much and deserve to have their dreams fulfilled.....just 37 weeks to go and that will happen!

If my math is correct....and don't bet on it....my due date will be February 13th, 2012!

Mood Swings and Sore Cheeks

Well it's official...the hormones have kicked in! I apologize now to everyone who I may sick these horrible things upon in the near future. I don't mean to do it. I now completely understand how strong they are. Poor Mike has been the one affected the most. I seem to snap at him no matter what he says, doesn't say, how he looks at me or even when he doesn't look at me....the poor guy can't win. I'm hoping this is a short term thing. The Progesterone injections are for 12 weeks so if they are thing cause of these emotions....only 11 weeks to go!

The Progesterone injections go in the butt. Mike has been really good at finding the muscle and sticking me. There haven't been any problems at all, but I am starting to feel some pain from the injection sites. We alternate sides each day but they end up going in the same general area time after time. The Progesterone has an oil mixed into it. The oil can settle in the muscle and that's where some pain can come from. Today I'm having a hard time sitting down. Luckily I have yet another friend who is a nurse and she has given me some helpful tips that should reduce the pain. So tonight we will warm the bottle before loading the syringe, rub my butt before and after the injection and later you will find me sitting on my heating pad. This just keeps getting hotter and hotter!

The Buns Are In The Oven.

Over a year has gone by since the last embryo transfer. My IF's have been through so much yet still they keep reaching for the dream, that hope of one day being parents.

Today, as my IM and I held hands we watched the doctor transfer the two beautiful embryos into me. We saw them under a microscope first and my heart swelled...this was it! This was the moment that we had all prayed for would come. The doctor was delighted at how perfect all 6 of the embryos were. The four not used today have been frozen for a later date.

The procedure was much quicker than we expected (quicker than we experienced before). The atmosphere was laid back. So laid back in fact that the doctor questioned the nurse why the music wasn't on. He then proceeded to make sure the radio station was static free. Maybe a little neurosis is involved when you deal with couples desperate for a baby day after day. When it was done everything just felt so different than before. There was a huge sense of calm and quiet confidence in that everything had gone perfectly. Before he left the room the Dr told us that we had an 80% chance of one baby and a 20% chance of multiples. Just for good measure I laid on the table for ten minutes with my hips up. It had worked with my kids, maybe I was just being superstitious, but it felt like the thing to do at that moment. And that was it. I got dressed and off we went.

Since we had a few hours until my flight home we headed to the Waterfront in TO and met up with IF for lunch. I felt like I was sitting with family. I've felt that way about them for a long time but today brought us all even closer. We laughed, shared stories and talked about the future. I have mentally inventoried all the modern styled furniture in their house and told them I can't wait to see how much of it is still around a year from now. We talked about how we will be lifelong friends from this, and how we're going to Disney. We walked along the waterfront and ate ice cream cones. It was a pretty picture perfect day.

So now comes the toughest part....the 2 week wait. Two weeks from now I am to have a blood test done to determine if I'm pregnant. Not sure if you've noticed yet but I'm not very patient. IM said I could take a home pregnancy test but not to tell her the results unless they are positive.

I want to thank everyone who has supported us. I've been reading IM everything that has been posted, all your positive words. It has been a great help to all of us to get through to this point knowing there are so many people behind us. I also want to thank my wonderful husband. How many girls have someone so supportive that they will be there every step of the way to carry another person's baby. Today he wrote on my FB status...."Morning Sunshine....I hope you get knocked up real good today.....love you and miss you!" How fantastic is he?

Leaving on a Jet Plane

My bags are packed and I'm ready to go....this is it! The transfer appointment for tomorrow has been changed to 12pm.

Today my husband gave me my injection for the first time. Yesterday we had Chris come back over and go step by step through the process. I had total confidence in Mike that he would hit the right spot and not cause me any pain....and I was right to do so. He did a great job, I didn't feel anything. Now that this is day three of needles both cheeks are feeling achy. Sleeping last night was a little rough as no matter how hard I tried I was always sleeping on an injection site. Hopefully my muscles will toughen up soon and the soreness will go away.

Ok, well my flight is in just over two hours...better run...more updates to come.

We Have Embryos!!!!

I couldn't be more happy for my IP's today. They received the embryo count from the clinic today....we have 6 excellent condition embryos. They are thrilled!

Yesterday was retrieval day. 12 eggs were retrieved and fertilized....6 made it to embryo status. Now they will keep two waiting for me for Monday and the rest will be frozen.

I can't wait to see my IM tomorrow and give her a huge hug. We are almost there!

I will by flying to TO tomorrow afternoon and we're just going to enjoy a girls night of dinner and a movie. The clinic will call to confirm our transfer appt time for Monday but so far it's at 11am. I will fly home Monday evening and then begin the two week wait until the pregnancy test is done.

A True Friend Will Inject You in the Ass

This week has been busy and full of changes in preparation for Monday's embryo transfer. I've been continuing along with the Estrace and will do so until the doctor tells me to stop. I have also begun taking antibiotics; two times a day for three days before the transfer happens.

Today was the biggest hurdle for me....the first needle injection. I'm not afraid of needles...just the anticipation of them. If there is pain with them it's going to be 12 weeks of pain. I needed to mentally prepare for that! I'm a lucky girl though, I have friends who are nurses and for some reason are more than willing to stick a sharp object into my backside. My friend Chris had the honours today. I was lucky to be in the hands of a pro because I didn't feel a thing and now I know I can handle the whole 12 week injections of Progesterone shots. Tomorrow Chris will come over and show my husband how to do the needles....again another person who is looking forward to jabbing me with something incredibily sharp!

Date Confirmed!

Here we are again and it feels amazing. The anticipation levels are so high and the excitement is palpable. The embryo transfer will be taking place this coming Monday. IM has been going in for ultrasounds the past three days to see how the follicles are coming along. Today they were ready for the trigger shot. The shot takes 48 hrs to take affect....retrieval is on Friday. On Friday after retrieval the eggs will be fertilized and wait for my arrival on Monday. They will be three days old when transfered....two embryos will be transfered and the rest will be frozen.

I am now waiting for the clinic to contact me for my next step. There are antibiotics and more meds that I must start taking. I will update more when I get the instructions.

We have all waited so long to be here again. It feels surreal, it feels good and yet there is still a sense of worry. Let the prayers begin. Please pray that all these dreams are fulfilled....send us your sticky vibes.

Monitoring Completed

This morning I received the results of my second ultrasound. We are good to go! Lining thickness was 8.3mm. The u/s was done a few days ago and now my only thing to do is continue taking the Estrace until we are ready for transfer. I will be happy when I am done with these hormones. I'm starting to feel the effects of them on my emotions....and the complexion of my skin.

Transfer date still remains at May 22 at this point.

Bring on the Hormones!

We are definitely underway. I had my first monitoring ultrasound today. The point of it is just to see the lining of the uterus. Tonight I started the Estrace hormones. They will make the uterine walls nice and thick for the embryos that will be transferred. I will take the Estrace for 10 days and then go for another ultrasound. Once they know that I am ready for the transfer they will lock down the date. As of now it is still May 22.

It's starting to feel real again. We've been here before...more than once. You put all those feelings of excitement away when something goes wrong and you keep them burried. But I can't help it....they are creaping to the surface. I want to be pregnant again. I love it, and I love my IP's in a way I can't describe. They are going to be the best parents. I look forward to the future and what the next 10 months bring to us.

More updates to come!

Here We Go Again!

It's been almost five months but it's starting to be GO time again! Blood work runs out after six months so everyone has gone out and gotten theirs done this week....except my husband, we are waiting for him. As soon as all the bloods come back we'll be given our new protocol. I can't wait. Coming up on two years now with my IP's and all I want is to make their dreams come true.

So keep checking in over the next couple weeks....I'll update as I get new information.