Heartbreaking News Today.

I got a heartbreaking phone call this morning....IM was on the other end.....the Doctor told them that he made a mistake during transfer and it's not quite clear where the embryos went. He said he made a mistake...a mistake he's never made before but the embryos may or may not be in me. I may or may not have a chance of being pregnant. He was so sorry for what had happened that he offered to refund my IP's the costs of the transfer....ya, so nice of him!

IM is angry and devastated and confused and, and, and! Her main focus is on the next step....where do we go from here. She's not hanging onto the hope that next week we'll get a positive pregnancy test result...that's just too hard to hope for. The hope comes in the form that this will happen...hopefully in a couple of months.

I am dedicated to my IP's no matter what we need to do. I will be there for them until that baby is in their arms. It killed me not to be with my IM today as she told me the news. I wish you could hug through the phone.

Transfer Day

Well the day has finally arrived. The transfer took place this morning. When we arrived at the clinic the doctor went over the procedure with me and IM. Although we were planning to transfer all three of the frozen embryos only two made in through the thawing process. One was in perfect condition and the other was in good condition. The doctor said both would be transferred.

We went into the procedure room where I was introduced to every girls best friend...the stirrups. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but an embryo transfer is done on a full bladder...not the most comfortable thing to experience.

As we started I was hooked up to the ultrasound machine so the doctor could make sure the embryos would go exactly where he wanted them. The procedure is done by inserting a catheter into the uterus. Once it's in place a smaller catheter containing the embryos is inserted into the first. When the catheter reaches the spot in the uterus that the doctor wants the embryos placed, they are deposited....that's it!

But wait....we had some technical difficulty. The second catheter hit into something when it was insterted...what do I have in there? Anyways, it bent the catheter and the doctor took it out and asked the tech to prepare another one with the embryos. The tech replied "the embryos are gone" Gone? Where? A new catheter was placed in and checked to see how deep the first one went in the uterus. The doctor assured us that they were placed exactly where he wanted and not to worry....ok, that's what we'll do...haha!

After, we headed out for some lunch along the lakefront of the Toronto Harbour. IF met up with us and we enjoyed some good food and good conversation. My flight was at 3:30 and I was home in time for dinner and bathtime with my kidlets. I should mention here that last night was the first night away from my kids since my girls were born over a year ago. Thank you to my husband for taking them all so I could go get pregnant in another city...without him!

So now the waiting game begins. I have a requisition for bloodwork to be taken in 10 days. I may get impatient (like usual) and take a HPT but IM doesn't want to know about it unless it comes back positive. I completely understand that. I hope she gets some sleep this week.

To all my readers...thank you for all your positive thoughts and prayers as the procedure occured today. Please continue to pray and send out sticky vibes our way.

The Day Before

I woke up this morning with butterflies. The realization of it all has officially set in. I'm not worried about being pregnant or giving the baby to it's parents....I'm worried about it not sticking. I know that nothing in a guarantee in all of this but my IP's have waited 8 months for me to be ready for this transfer....no pressure uterus!!!

So at 9pm I took off for TO (*author's note...if you ever get a change to fly on Porter Airlines I highly recommend it...free alcohol!...and great service too) My IP's met me at the airport and took me back to their home. We stayed up for the next 2 hours talking about all sort of things and enjoying a few 'pops' before we said goodnight.

It felt like I just spent the evening with two of my closest friends. What wonderful people I have to do this journey with.

Tomorrow is the big day. 6:45am wake up call....I get to sleep in!!! Drive to downtown TO in time for the 9:30am transfer.

The Appointment is Booked...the Plane Tickets too!

So on January 27th I will be in TO having three embryos transferred into me so that 40 weeks from now my IP's will be two very happy parents. It's finally here....I can't believe it. Back in May when we first started talking it seemed like this day was so far away. Now it's just a few sleeps from reality.

I'm flying out Tuesday night to spend the night at my IP's house. Next morning IM and I will drive to the appointment together. At 9am the transfer will take place. Then it's off to lunch before flying back home.

Third Test is the Charm!

Day 14 of my (usually very regular) cycle and we have ovulation!!!!

I took the third test this morning and tested positive. So, according to the doctor we count tomorrow as day 0, Monday as day 1, Tuesday as day 2 and Wednesday as day 3....transfer day!!!!

I called the fertility doctor and am waiting to hear back to confirm the transfer day and to begin medications. Then travel plans can be made.

Rantings from a Hormonal Woman

Ok, so here I am day 12 waiting....waiting for my body to ovulate....waiting for the doctor to give us the official transfer date...waiting to arrange things for work and my children. I am not a patient person when it comes to waiting. I like things to move at the 'speed of Lisa' and nothing usually does.

So since I haven't ovulated I must now pee on a stick each day until ovulation occurs. I have the ovulation kit and took the first one as advised....negative. Try again tomorrow!

Reader Questions

After my last post a received a comment/question from my friend Dawn. As always I wanted to share the questions and answers with all of my readers.

I love the way you are explaining it to C man! That is something he can definitely relate to. I have a couple questions of my own. The first is that I was wondering if the embryo's are thawed first and monitored at all to see if they are still viable or is it a 'bake from frozen' process. My second question is about when the baby (s?) are here. Does you IM have any desires to breastfeed and/or will you be doing any pumping after the birth? Not that formula isn't a great option but I've read that a woman can start producing milk and was just curious if that was something she was interested in doing. I hope that my question isn't too personal...I was just curious! :)

The embryos will not be frozen when the transfer is done. They will be thawed and monitored to make sure that they survived the thawing process. The Doctor will transfer the ones that are viable. So if all three are viable, all three will be transferred!

I have offered to pump colostrum after the birth for the baby(s). After that IM will be trying to breastfeed using medication that will induce lactation. She is very excited to try this but if it's not successful formula will be used. Personally I think it's wonderful that there is a way she can experience breastfeeding with her baby.

Thank you Dawn for asking the questions.

What to Tell the Children

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other night and she asked a really good question....one that we had thought long and hard about before starting this journey.

How have we explained the surrogacy to our children? Do they understand this isn't our baby?

Since we have 5 children with a twelve year difference between the oldest and youngest it's hard to explain it to everyone the same way so that they will understand. We were very honest with the 12 and 7 yr old. We told them that this couple could not have a child of their own and that the doctors were putting the already fertilized egg into me where it would grow. We explained that it would not be a sibling of theirs and it would go home with the couple once it was born. My step son seemed to understand right away and said "oh like the movie Baby Mama" yep...something like that!

Our 1yr old twins will not really understand any of it. They might just notice Mommy getting bigger and much slower in the end but they won't know why. Now C-man he may wonder what the heck is going on. At 2 1/2 he's asking questions about everything. Since I run a home daycare and he sees how the kids go home at the end of each day we are going to use that to help us explain it to him. We'll tell him that this baby is like a daycare friend but I'm watching it in my belly until it's ready to go home with it's Mommy and Daddy.

And the Medications Have Begun

I was given five different prescriptions by the fertility doctor. I may not have to take all five...which also includes one that I would have to inject into myself. Last night I started the first one. It's called Tamoxifen and I take it twice a day for the next five days. It's purpose is to ensure ovulation occurs.
Next week when I go for the second day of monitoring I will be advised of how to proceed on the rest of the meds.

Another Reader Question

This morning I received this question from a reader/friend of mine....great question by the way!

Are you concerned at all that you will get emotionally attached to this baby and not be able to just get up and leave in the hospital? I know you said you'll always be a part of the baby's life, but are you afraid of having that motherly attachment to him/her as if they were your own?

Although this baby will kick me, move around in me and cause me heartburn just like my own children did, this is not my baby. I have no dreams of bringing it home to place it in an awaiting crib. I will not be designing a nursery or picking out clothes. I will be carrying this baby and anticipating the moment that it is placed in it's mothers arms. I will be okay when it's time to leave the hospital without a baby because I know that he/she will be going to the home that they belong to. I will never think of it as my own because I know that this is not the case.
I have told my IP's to record themselves reading baby books so that I can play it against my belly. That way their baby will start to recognize their voices.
I will love this baby as a part of our family but not as my child. It's a different love.

Thank you reader for your question. Keep them coming!

A Visit With My Intended Parents

Yesterday we had a party to celebrate the 1st birthday of our twin girls. My IP's made the trip out here to celebrate with our family and friends. They truly are great people to drive over 8 hrs round trip in one day just to come to a birthday party. It was so great to see them, especially with the transfer date fast approaching.

They aren't shy or secretive about who they are either. I was able to introduce them to all of my friends as our Intended Parents and they answered questions about this journey.

After the party we came back to our place then headed out for dinner. As I sat at the end of the table I looked down at my family; my children, my husband, my parents and then at two people who have become a part of our family. I am blessed to have all these wonderful people in my life who support and love me as I go through this experience.

Crisis Averted

I'm calm now.

I called my IP's at 8:30 yesterday and woke them up...I felt so bad. But the kind, understanding people they are were okay with it and helped to calm me down. We called the fertility clinic and spoke with the staff there. We were assured that things were fine since it's a frozen embryo transfer. Basically since we aren't setting someone else's cycle to mine for a fresh transfer the Dr's can play around with the days and my own cycle.

So now on day 3 (Tuesday) I will go for monitoring. Once the Dr. in T.O. gets the results they will decide what medications to start me on for the week.

Change of Plans

So I woke up this morning to discover that my body wants to get this process started sooner than later. I have started my period five days early.

It has really set in...this is it, here we go!

I'm finding myself a little anxious about things now. According to the fertility clinic I'm supposed to be in for monitoring on day 2 or 3....great it's the weekend! And I just discovered that the Dr. who is doing the monitoring is out of the office on Monday. I'm also supposed to start taking medication to assist with ovulation starting on day 3...ok so I may be more in panic mode than just anxious. I'd call my IP's now but I know 6am is just a little too early to call them!

Deep breath Lisa!

Ok, so I'm going to wait until a respectable hour and call my IP's and hopefully we can sort out the monitoring for the next couple days. If my calculations are correct the transfer date has now been changed to January 25th.

We Have A Transfer Date!

I am so very excited to announce that our date for transfer is January 29th!. Just 23 days away. Let me tell you my IP's are just a tad excited as well. IM mentioned the other night that if she thinks about how close we are to the transfer that she can't sleep at night.

I've learned a little more on how this works. The embryos were 3 days old when frozen. This means that I must be day 17 of my cycle when the transfer takes place. The purpose of this is to trick my body into thinking that I became pregnant from my own ovulatory cycle. Interesting eh?

Another Reader Question

After my last post I received another question....I can't tell you how excited this makes me. Here it is....

Does the IP get to stay in the hospital with the baby? I've always been curious how that works.



From what I understand the IP's will be able to room in with the baby. Since I've always wanted to leave the hospital five minutes after giving birth I will head home as soon as the doctors let me. I assume that they would essentially just get the room that I would be using. As long as things go smoothly they'd be able to leave with the baby within 24 hours or so after birth.


There is some paperwork that the hospital has to be filled out in this situation. Once that's done we're good to go.

I hope this answers your question lbfloyd.

Keep them coming readers!